So here is a little background on my cousin. She is 20 and living with my grandparents because she was pretty much kicked out her house. So anyways, she has become quite the useless piece of crap. She doesn't go to school, she's been through at least 4 jobs within the past few months all of which she was fired from because of no shows. She goes out and parties and drinks every night. Seriously 7 days a week. She is getting fat and utterly useless. She doesn't drive cause she can't afford the insurance, and hangs out with the biggest bunch of losers. It seems like my family is just brushing everything off thinking things aren't what they seem.

So to put the icing on the cake, I go to my grandparents last thursday for lunch and my brother tells me she is in jail. She was pulled over driving drunk in her friends car and booked for a DUI. Here's how dumb her and her friend are. They are just about to turn on the street to be at home and her friend says hey lets go to my ex boyfriends house and start yelling at him. So at like 3am, two 20 year old drunk girls are driving up and down the street yelling and screaming. Not exactly inconspicuous (sp?). Cops were called, she got busted. She was out partying the very next night after going to jail for a DUI.So my grandparents just got back from a trip yesterday and I felt the need to tell them what had happened. Apparently they already know and haven't done anything yet. Meanwhile, my cousin and her gay friend are just relaxing by the pool sun bathing on a nice 85 degree day when most people are working or going to school.

Sorry for the long rant, but I am so irritated that nobody wants to take initiative and do something about it. This is why "kids", anyone who is younger than me still living at home, **** me off.

 

Sounds like a bad situation, you should talk to her with no yelling or putting her down. You can tell her that you are worried about her and if there is something that you can do to help her out. Several things may cause someone to go off the deep end like a rape or abuse of some sort. Dont tell anyone about you talking to her as the abuser may be someone within your family. This is only 1 explanation out of countless others so dont dwell on it but you should definitly try and help her without getting angry at her current behavior as there may be something behind that.

 

Bitch slap some sense into her....

 

Exactly. You would think (atleast most people) that going to jail would give her a dose of reality. Evidently not though. Hopefully, you won't learn the hard way by getting hurt or hurting someone else.

 

Well I'm pretty sure the abuse thing isn't a concern. I know for sure nobody in my family would do that, plus my family isn't at the house much. I think she is just your typical girl who thinks she is invincible and nothing can affect her. For the time being that is. I would talk to her except for the fact that she likes to blame everyone else. If she gets fired, it was the bosses fault or some **** like that. As she puts it, she wasn't drunk. She passed all the sobriety tests, but yet she doesn't understand all the tests are nothing except for the breathalizer. Even then she blamed her friend for making her drive her car and taking her to her ex boyfriends.

I think she just needs to pull her head out of her ***. If she continues on, I can see her getting pregnant as the next step.

 

is her and her friend hot ? and need a place, I'm really just kidding trust me its a phase she is going through I went threw the same thing with my sister and now I have a step daughter doing the same, best advice is talk to her don't come off negative or she will just blow you off, how ever you can only help some one that wants help, give her a little guidance and hopefully your grandparents will give her the choice either get right or get out, some times the best lesson learned is the hardest.

 

well her friend is pretty hot with some big *****, but dumb as ****. I think my grandparents should tell her to **** or get off the pot. I would like to give her guidance, but I get frustrated when they take it for granted and jsut blow it off. We'll see how things go when my grandma talks to her. If she tries to argue with my grandma though I'll bitch slap her.haha

 

This is the best bet.

 

you know when she'll learn... the first night she has to sleep in her car because nobody else will take her in.

No 20 year old is going to listen do ****. Just don't happen. They're smarter than all us old guys and that's that. I was that way, probably everyone here was. Tell your grandparents that if they love her they'll talk to her about straightening out her life and let them know they need to kick her *** to the curb until she can straighten out. She has no legal right to stay if they want her out unless they charge her rent.

 

No they don't charge her rent and it would be funny to see her sleep in her car except she technically doesn't have a car. If anything she would probably end up at her gay jackass of a friend. That's a whole other right there.

 

Heres a general rule: People won't change until they have no other option.

Meaning in order for her to get her **** in order she has to

1. Be thrown out of that house
2. Be turned down by the rest of the family when she asks to live with them
3. Be turned down by her friends.

It sounds like she still basically lives in a highschool world, beleiving that eventually they will crack and pay for her insurance, her car, and basically her entire life. She always finds a crutch when **** goes sour for her, in order for her to grow up and start taking responsibility for her own actions, she has to have nothing at all.

Talking to someone like this won't do anything, they'll say "yea i took that to heart" or w/e but within the next day, week, or month, they will be back into their old habits.

It also sounds like to me..she has a drinking problem. Alcoholism starts being classified when the person drinking cannot be functional in a normal society.

A normal society being work/school.

And as for the "kid" crack.. I'm 18, I still live at home, I work a fulltime job and I'm trying to get out of my house within the year.

 

chasinsparks was just kiddin...but i'm always on the prowl for a airhead with big hooters...and they both sound like fun...20 years old and wild as hell....reminds me of half the girls i have in my list now...dont sweat it bro...shes not your daughter or your sister...why should you care? shes 20 and wild....let her be...just remember shes your cousin but to the rest of us bar hounds...shes just another..........................

 

Tough love sometimes works and sometimes doesnt. Best is to try to talk to her if nothing works then tough love what as others have suggested is for last resort.

 

Somebody else put it right when they said she's still living in a highschool world. I used to be stupid like that too when I was in high school and still for a couple of years afterwards. I was out drinking every night and partying but you get a little older and a little more sensible. However I always worked a full time job and never got to the point of doing anything really stupid like a DUI or something. I think the biggest issue here is she is being allowed to do this. Sounds to me like your grandparents care for her but they are also enablers (sp?). They are enabling her to act this way. She's not a kid anymore. She's 20 years old. They need to show her some tough love IMO. She's still in a high school fantasy world and doesn't know what life's all about yet. Hope she wises up and gets her priorities straight.

 

I also meant to add that kids who still live at home and mommy and daddy pay for everything. It's understandable still living at home working and getting your **** together. Thats respectable.

Yeah she's not my daughter or sister, but she's pretty close to being a sister. She grew up at my grandparents just like I did, so she was always around. I guess I'll see how things play out and if my grandparents start to be a lot more harsh. I do agree though, I think she does need to be kicked out and see what she does from there.

 

wow, that really sucks man....sounds like she needs to get her **** together. Can I just say that in my current job I deal with a lot of shitty issues and I've had parents come to me and tell me the same exact story....and they ended up kicking the girl out, some it worked for and some it didn't....the parents it didn't work out for wished they could take it back because their daughters ended up on the streets of Oakland doing what they need to do to survive. I'm just saying that being kicked out can either wake a person up or they can fall into some really bad **** and if that happens it's hard to turn them back. It's a crap shoot.

I say just talk to her, but do it in away that is offering help and not attacking her. If you yell at her and threaten her she will always be on the defensive, but if you talk to her and offer help she might respond better....especially since your closer to her age. 20 year old kids think they know EVERYTHING...I sure as hell thought I was a know it all at 20, but in reality I didn't know ****! ha ha.

 

yea talking to her is prolly a good first step. but also removing her from the situation (irresponsible friends) is another step that shouldn't be over looked. most people hang out with people of the same interests as they have, all of us for example, we all like the mustangs, so we're all here. most theives hang out w/other theives, crackheads hang out w/other crackheads, and so on. so maybe trying to limit her contact with her friends would get her in the right direction. maybe you taking her to hang out with your friends? or ya'll hangin' out a lil bit. but getting her away from her jackass friends would prolly help a lot. just don't let her catch on to what you're trying to do, gotta ease into it.

 

That's great advice. I realized when I was around her age that I was hanging around with a bunch of low lifes and I had to make a change too. She needs support and encouragement from her family but you know really in all honesty if she wants to change she will but it will have to be up to her to change. If she continues to hang around losers then she will be as they are. The bad will always drag the good down with them over time. She needs new friends.

 

hey hey hey hey hold on a sec....dont give him advice on how to turn this girl around...remember we are the man club...a brotherhood of hounds and wolves....why help him get another bar bunny off the stool? theres enough good girls out there that will make a guy go the diiner and a movie route...we need more dedicated wild broads in the world....

 

ahh you're right, what the F was i thinking? geez, ok scratch that last post of mine. ok, do these following steps.

1. go down to the projex and score an 8ball.

2. give it to her and her female friends, repeat the process untill they are all addicted.

3. tell them the only way to make money is to be a lot lizard.

4. they MUST wear the same clothes day after day while walking the streets.

5. tell them all of they're money must go to their new addiction.


OR


you can go the alcohol route. make her start sneaking into bars. make a bet w/her that she can't F all the guys in there over a perioud of ohhh....3 months.

ok i hope this advice is a whole lot better then my last post. idk what i was thnkin' bro! i appologize.











but seriously, don't do any of that ****. i'm not responsible for any reprocussions that may occur directly or indirectly from any advice i may give or not give on this forum. (sry, my lawyer made me put that in here, lol.)

 

there ya go....a bar bunny doesnt have a great shelf life tis true...they only stay cute from 20 to maybe 24 or so...thats why we need replacements...

 

While thats great and all, but I don't think I would exactly benefit nor get any pleasure out of knowing my cousin is a little ****. Thats fine if your cool with picking up drunk chicks cause thats all you can get, but not my cousin. Wouldn't you rather have a girl who has some self respect for herself? Cause I know I would. It's cool fantasizing about those wild chicks and everything, but I love being able to come home and seeing the same girl in my bed everynight.

How would you feel if you had a younger sister going out getting wasted everynight and screwing a different guy? Probably wouldn't be to happy. Thanks for the worthless advice.

 

Ok, ill admit it.

Im 20 years old, and I dont know ****.

Its true. But I feel I have an advantage because I can realize this. I was kicked out of my parents house at 18 (Didnt have a choice, they got a divorce and sold the house, and I was sol lol)

I feel im a better person because I was forced to provide for myself, and do **** on my own. I honestly believe I will be successful because of my attitude of doing things better and better every time I try them.

Methinks she needs to be kicked to the street and provide for herself, and she might come upon the same realization I did.

 

one thing i keep wondering is ...who paid her bail to get out of jail? if you get picked up for a DUI you don't just get to go home afterwards. cash got paid out, that was the chance right there. let her stay in jail and think about all of it. and wen asked for help to get out deny it and explain why.

ok, another thing, everyone says talk to her, reach out, well most likely she will tell you to go **** yourself. i can hear "your not my keeper" and "your not my mom or dad" also "i'll do whatever i want I'm an adult". these are the things that will come flying out her mouth no matter what. she needs a life altering event to set her life straight. I'm not saying you need to do something to her, but only something tragic or eye opening is going to do the trick.

this girl has had no real parenting, nothing against your grand parents, but by the time the inherent grand kids they mostly don't put up the fight like they did with there own kids. I know this from family experience with a cousin of mine and my grand parents.

and one thing above all others, she is her own anchor, let her bring herself down. but dont let her bring down others including yourself. dont let this rule YOUR life, you have enough on your own plate.

 

thats why i made the distinction of it NOT being your brother or sister...time for a lil reality...yes i have a girlfriend...i treat her like a queen...bought her a solstice...took her to a few different corners of the globe...NOW...like so many men before me ...i cheat with the occasional bim...i appreciate them...you wanna run your cousins life ...fine... knock yourself out ...but dont get high and mighty with me cause i'm honest...you never screwed a bimbo before? that was someones cousin pal...dont be a hypocrit...you want flawless sympathetic advice? write dear abby...this forum is where men hang out

 

Actually no, I haven't just gone around and screwed some bimbo. If you treat your girlfriend so well and respect her, then why do you have to cheat on her? Just because this is a mustang forum you think it's cool to have to act like your some big manly man. There's plenty of good people on this board that don't have to sit there and act all hard and tough just because this is suppose to be a "mans" site. Most of the people who responded to this thread gave good, decent, and honest advice. They didn't have to come in here saying "why are we helping the situation? We need more bar bunnys and ****." Just because you gave your girlfriend a solstice means it's ok to screw whoever you want? Is that the trade off these days? I'll buy you a car, but in exchange I can cheat on you whenever. I'm sorry, but I have way more respect for my fiance than that. I don't know how I'm being a hypocrite, but I guess everything you say is right.

 

lmao...i didnt know that saying "leave the girl alone" is a hard and tough thing to say...if you consider that hard then you need to go watch a lil more chuck norris...i never said i was hard or tough..i just said let her live her life...hell yeah i have my fun...no grays in my hair yet...and my girl is my girlfriend....shes not my wife yet...shouldnt there be a different level of commitment between girlfriend and wife? and i know and accept that when i put something personal on the internet...i open myself up to a variety of opinions...we arent all robots here and we dont all think alike...boys will be boys and girls will be girls... like my grandad down in macon used to say, "you are responsible for 3 women in your life...your wife...your sister...your mother"... i guess you never watched girls gone wild or went to mardi gra...at some point in your life you banged some girl like a rubber doll and forgot to call her again and i'm bettin she was someones daughter cousin sister....if not well.........anyway....i'm not always right...not even a lil bit...i admittedly learned a thing or two right here in that rosie thread...i'm definitely not always right...but at least i'm not secretly hot for my cousin

 

You got me. This whole thread was about me being madly in love with my cousin. I can't help it. She's just so damn hot I can't resist. Thats funny. You may not be married, but there is still a level of respect you should have for your girlfriend. If you have an open relationship with her, then more power to you, but does she know your going out adn sleeping with random girls? This could eventually be someone you do marry and could you honestly say that if you did marry her, that she would be fine knowing you slept with other people while you were together? You know everyone is different, but I was raised to respect everyone and I don't believe there's much respect there if you have to cheat on someone you are with. Thats just my opinion and I would never do it.

 

Said perfectly. All this "just talk to her calmly and sensibly" is rediculous. She needs to be kicked out of the house and maybe having to fend for herself will wake her up. She made her bed; make her lie in it. All these high school/college idiots that go out, drink, do stupid ****, get arrested, whatever deserve exactly what they get. We all have brains capable of making our own decisions and we know exactly what we are doing. If you don't know what you are doing because you are drunk/high/whatever, you knew what you were doing when you decided to get drunk/high/whatever. I don't have ANY sympathy for people who do stuff like that and then get themselves in trouble. I realize I was not the typical teenager doing all those things, but that was my choice. You choose whether or not to act that way and should suffer the consequences.

Scott