R U Mah Daddy? Non mustang Related
#1
02-26-2007 | 06:41 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
R U Mah Daddy? Non mustang Related
This goes out to anyone with stepkids i guess.
================WARNING===============
if yer a beer swilling womanizing bastard that kicks *** at everything and hates expressing emotions, ill catch up to you in another thread, this one reads like a demented hallmark movie
======================================
So as you all know im having a kid. My girlfriend already has a 5 year old boy from a previous relationsip. His dad is a deadbeat small time crook and occasional meth addict. A real piece of work.
Well, i have pretty much accepted the fact that im going to be raising both of these kids. I know that i dont have any real solid memorys of being 5 years old or younger, mostly just some memory impressions.
So chances are this kid when he is 18 is not going to have very much recollection of life without me involved.
My girl told me about when herself and her son were on thier way to my place yesterday and they were talking about him being a big brother. Then the conversation took a turn that i really did not expect.
He understands that this will be his little brother. He also understands that I am going to be the father of his brother. Then he tells her that he doesent want the dad he has right now, and maybe since i am going to be his brothers dad that maybe i will end up being his dad as well.
Keep in mind, his dad is a real piece of work. He is a small time criminal/meth addict dead beat. One of those white kids who thinks he is from south central. a real piece of ****. Isnt too interested in spending time with his kid, and all in all is just a pretty worthless guy. He is the skidmark on the underwear of dirtbags.
This kid really doesent seem to like his dad much.
It seems that i made quite a positive impression on him (even though he walked in on me and his mother in "full swing" a few days ago) and he is trying to figure out his role in this new family and is becoming to not only accept, but to desire me as a father figure.
Remember, 9 months ago i was single and this wasnt something i had imagined happen, so its been a bit of a strain sometimes coming to terms and grasping all of these changes.
So, has anybody gone though something similiar? or dealt with stepkids? im not worried about gainging his acceptance, i already have it, but honestly i am not very thrilled about this. I feel somewhat resentful towards him for saying that and feel that my kid will be far far better than him.
so, im the first to realize how messed up that is, but im wondering if im totally screwed up or if it is common to think like that about another mans kid that you have to raise.
any stepdads out there have any advice or a point of view on this?
Oh yeah. im keeping the mustang. im hoping to be able to supercharge her next spring too.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
================WARNING===============
if yer a beer swilling womanizing bastard that kicks *** at everything and hates expressing emotions, ill catch up to you in another thread, this one reads like a demented hallmark movie
======================================
So as you all know im having a kid. My girlfriend already has a 5 year old boy from a previous relationsip. His dad is a deadbeat small time crook and occasional meth addict. A real piece of work.
Well, i have pretty much accepted the fact that im going to be raising both of these kids. I know that i dont have any real solid memorys of being 5 years old or younger, mostly just some memory impressions.
So chances are this kid when he is 18 is not going to have very much recollection of life without me involved.
My girl told me about when herself and her son were on thier way to my place yesterday and they were talking about him being a big brother. Then the conversation took a turn that i really did not expect.
He understands that this will be his little brother. He also understands that I am going to be the father of his brother. Then he tells her that he doesent want the dad he has right now, and maybe since i am going to be his brothers dad that maybe i will end up being his dad as well.
Keep in mind, his dad is a real piece of work. He is a small time criminal/meth addict dead beat. One of those white kids who thinks he is from south central. a real piece of ****. Isnt too interested in spending time with his kid, and all in all is just a pretty worthless guy. He is the skidmark on the underwear of dirtbags.
This kid really doesent seem to like his dad much.
It seems that i made quite a positive impression on him (even though he walked in on me and his mother in "full swing" a few days ago) and he is trying to figure out his role in this new family and is becoming to not only accept, but to desire me as a father figure.
Remember, 9 months ago i was single and this wasnt something i had imagined happen, so its been a bit of a strain sometimes coming to terms and grasping all of these changes.
So, has anybody gone though something similiar? or dealt with stepkids? im not worried about gainging his acceptance, i already have it, but honestly i am not very thrilled about this. I feel somewhat resentful towards him for saying that and feel that my kid will be far far better than him.
so, im the first to realize how messed up that is, but im wondering if im totally screwed up or if it is common to think like that about another mans kid that you have to raise.
any stepdads out there have any advice or a point of view on this?
Oh yeah. im keeping the mustang. im hoping to be able to supercharge her next spring too.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#4
02-26-2007 | 07:03 PM
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 22
I don't post often, but this thread strikes close to home.
I was raised the same way (in this scenario, your GFs Son) and I had a stepmom. I lived with her from when I was 8, until I was 18. Those 10 years were hell for me, because she worked my dad against me in every situation when it was me against her.
Just do what you feel is right. Just dont hold any resentment for the kid just because of who his parents are. He deserves a chance, at least.
I was raised the same way (in this scenario, your GFs Son) and I had a stepmom. I lived with her from when I was 8, until I was 18. Those 10 years were hell for me, because she worked my dad against me in every situation when it was me against her.
Just do what you feel is right. Just dont hold any resentment for the kid just because of who his parents are. He deserves a chance, at least.
#5
02-26-2007 | 07:16 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
I don't post often, but this thread strikes close to home.
I was raised the same way (in this scenario, your GFs Son) and I had a stepmom. I lived with her from when I was 8, until I was 18. Those 10 years were hell for me, because she worked my dad against me in every situation when it was me against her.
Just do what you feel is right. Just dont hold any resentment for the kid just because of who his parents are. He deserves a chance, at least.
I was raised the same way (in this scenario, your GFs Son) and I had a stepmom. I lived with her from when I was 8, until I was 18. Those 10 years were hell for me, because she worked my dad against me in every situation when it was me against her.
Just do what you feel is right. Just dont hold any resentment for the kid just because of who his parents are. He deserves a chance, at least.
#6
02-26-2007 | 07:22 PM
Everyday Im Hustlin
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 3,970
From: Ecorse, Michigan
yeah, i really feel sorry for your gf's kid. If you and your girl ever broke up, would you take him along when you pick your child up for the weekend. You got your self a real situation homey and its a lot to think about.
#7
02-26-2007 | 07:31 PM
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 22
Yeah, I can imagine. Just give it time.
Just remember that the kid couldnt choose who his dad was, and didn't have the chance to choose you either, so for him to say what he did is pretty big. You seem like a very good person. Don't let him down.
Just remember that the kid couldnt choose who his dad was, and didn't have the chance to choose you either, so for him to say what he did is pretty big. You seem like a very good person. Don't let him down.
#9
02-26-2007 | 07:36 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
Fonz - Yeah no kidding. lol. Well im pretty determined to make this work. My gf is the greatest. probably marry her one day. 
Obliv - Well one thing i find comforting, i couldnt possible do worse than his actualy dad could.
MattJ - That was this morning.
Obliv - Well one thing i find comforting, i couldnt possible do worse than his actualy dad could.
MattJ - That was this morning.
#11
02-26-2007 | 09:57 PM
Listen to reggae.
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 10,698
From: Colorado Springs
seriously though, raise the the older one as you would your own...I'm telling you, the younger is going to be GREATLY influenced by the older. i have a younger step brother, he wants to be just like me...**** if i know why
#12
02-26-2007 | 09:59 PM
8-2=6
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,196
From: Houston,TX
#15
02-26-2007 | 10:42 PM
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 503
From: Tarpon Springs, FL
Yikes, best of luck to ya man. What happened, you rode bareback on purpose? Anyhoo, just from reading your post I get the feeling that you are a good man and want to do the right thing by this child and your child that is on the way. I just hope you do, because in my line of work I see kids all the time that don't get the love they need or the chance they deserve due to knucklehead adults. I'd say scoop everyone up, get away from the meth junkie and start anew somewhere else. We're hiring here w/great benefits and great pay. Plus, I'm in a great Stang club that will do anything for it's members. Just trying to bring a smile to ya. Good luck brother.
#19
02-27-2007 | 01:40 PM
Nitrous Injected 3.8
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,881
From: Bakersfield, CA
My girlfriend has step parents.. they are complete oposites though..her dad is a pos scumball who is/was whatever a child molestor..wanted to get up on little teenage girls..
Hes remarried to her step mom..her step mom is a russian immigrant (literally, she came from russia, i think shes mail ordered) who doesn't speak to her really..
Her mom remarried .. her step dad is a great guy..has been around since she was little..I think like 5 or 6.. he basically pays for her..her dental/medical.. and he treats her as one of his own. Her mom and her step dad have a baby now..I think the baby is a year and a half.. but he treats the baby as he does my girlfriend.
Its basically what type of person you are..if you can put aside who the kids dad is, and remember that this kid doesn't have to be like him, and know that if you are the one raising him..he won't be. You can either treat the kid differently, or treat him as he was your own.
If you end up staying with this girl..hes going to become one of your own, basically.
Hes remarried to her step mom..her step mom is a russian immigrant (literally, she came from russia, i think shes mail ordered) who doesn't speak to her really..
Her mom remarried .. her step dad is a great guy..has been around since she was little..I think like 5 or 6.. he basically pays for her..her dental/medical.. and he treats her as one of his own. Her mom and her step dad have a baby now..I think the baby is a year and a half.. but he treats the baby as he does my girlfriend.
Its basically what type of person you are..if you can put aside who the kids dad is, and remember that this kid doesn't have to be like him, and know that if you are the one raising him..he won't be. You can either treat the kid differently, or treat him as he was your own.
If you end up staying with this girl..hes going to become one of your own, basically.
#20
02-27-2007 | 02:46 PM
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Posts: n/a
After having a day to let that sink in, the part about him wanting me to be his dad, i feel a bit better about it. This is all happening so quickly, last summer i was completly care free doing whatever i wanted when i wanted and single. This summer coming up im going to be a boyfriend and a new father with what will probably end up being my stepson.
as far as the methhead, he really doesent come around. he wants nothing to do with me and i dont think he really cares much about his son, so i dont expect him to be an issue. hell, he is on parole. if he gets on my nerves ill break his face and the fight will land his punkass back in jail. lol.
its amazing how fast things can change in life.
as far as the methhead, he really doesent come around. he wants nothing to do with me and i dont think he really cares much about his son, so i dont expect him to be an issue. hell, he is on parole. if he gets on my nerves ill break his face and the fight will land his punkass back in jail. lol.
its amazing how fast things can change in life.
#21
02-27-2007 | 02:59 PM
Wowbagger hates me too!
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,865
From: Magrathea/California
I can tell you from experience (my own upbringing is something of a legend in CPS circles) that it'll go one of two ways, you'll f\/ck him up even more than he is now or you can take him as your own and openly acknowledge and address the parent and bio-donor difference. Demystify it, show him how to accept it while he's young and able to accept major changes easily. He's GOING to have some internal struggle to gain an identity since his own father is dead for all intents and purposes (and likely to literally haunt the boy for life... eeek) and he'll look to you to be caring, supportive and honest with him. Don't kid yourself... his "dad" life to this point has been pretty well a bust and he's going to have to deal with the whole paternal identiy issue internally at some point. Doing so over a long time with you filling the role responsibly will make his life a lot easier.
If you become a father figure to him on any sort of a long term basis, IMO you are obligated to maintain a significant place in his life until adulthood even if you and the mom split up. Don't start if you don't wanna finish. It's not fair to the kids.
Yep.. ol' r3d's a softy. EDIT: and a father of 2. Fatherhood has its own rewards.
If you become a father figure to him on any sort of a long term basis, IMO you are obligated to maintain a significant place in his life until adulthood even if you and the mom split up. Don't start if you don't wanna finish. It's not fair to the kids.
Yep.. ol' r3d's a softy. EDIT: and a father of 2. Fatherhood has its own rewards.
#24
02-27-2007 | 04:22 PM
Banned
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,135
From: JACKSON NJ
go to alaska... there aint any women up there... just eskimos w/out penises
#27
02-27-2007 | 04:55 PM
35th Anniversary GT
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 637
From: Evansville, IN
Here's my 2 cents. The 5 yr. old whether your biological child or not, will be a reflection of you and how you raise him in say 10, 15 years. If you raise the 5 yr old the way you will raise your newborn you won't have to worry so much about the older one influencing the younger b/c they have both been brought up the same, if that makes any sense. You will naturally have a stronger bond with your biological child than the one who isn't, but don't feel guilty about that. However at the same time, don't let that bond influence you in sticky situations. Treatment should be the same for both kids. Be a better dad than what he currently has which obviously won't be hard. I don't know you personally, but if you are a good person with good values, I'm sure you will do fine. Don't sweat it too much. Everyone on here has different stories, but you are in control. You are the one who has to mold this situation into what you want it to be. In the end your situation will only turn out how YOU allow it to turn out. Good luck!
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