Well if you're bored for the next ten minutes and want to read about my dull life here's your chance! Ha.

Have any of you had envy of a family member? Brother,sister? My brother is graduating from college this summer with an Electric Engineering degree, at 21; he started school a year earlier than most kids do. His job is going to be as a civilian employee of the USAF, working near here at Eglin AFB. I can't remember exactly how he described it but I believe he's going to be one of the guys that outfits ordnance with some kind of safety kill-switch device on all of the weapons they test out there, which sounds like it'd be a lot of fun. He showed me a satellite image of the office and right outside of it was the tarmac with an A-10 sitting in all of its glory - what I would do to be able to see that sight at work everyday. He said his starting pay is going to be $44,000 a year with an $11,000 lump sum signing bonus, though he will still be a civilian. He told me that and all I could think of is what a lucky SOB, he's one of the lucky few to get a career right out of college, and it's not even a big school - University of West Fla, we don't even have a football team. Not only does he get a job, but he gets an awesome job. He gets to do hands-on work with military equipment and be in the environment without actually having to be in the institutionalized machine that is the USAF.

I love my brother, he's probably the only person I can truly depend on and trust at any time, but after this I just burned shamefully with jealousy, I was the brother who sucked so much as math I could barely survive Algebra 2 in high school. On top of that I was born a color-blind fool who can't distinguish green traffic lights from what are apparently yellow overhead-street lights, and can't even go buy clothes on my own without becoming frustrated because I can't tell if a shirt is black and gray or black and pink (why the **** do they make any mens' clothing in pink). Such a disability, even though not really hindering me physically, prevents me from almost any job in the world I would have considered fun, interesting, or useful. And here I find myself a 20 year-old jobless communication arts major and I've been in college for two years. I don't take any math courses, but I took a logic course this semester to fullfill a required math - online logic. I thought this would be easy stuff in resemblance to Theory of Knowledge that I had while in I.B., but it is probably the hardest class I've taken in my whole life and I have sure enough failed it. I'm struggling enough as it is to actually be competitive and satisfactory in my major's courses.

I chose to be a comm arts major because it falls in line with stuff I'm good at, making things visually interesting and being sarcastic, possibly a bit of an ***, too. While this stuff is all fun, in the end it will be just for entertainment purposes and is never going to be useful, it won't change anything or help anyone, won't improve any type of situation or method beyond just making some company more money. I don't know if I'll ever be successful because this industry is so damned competitive you have to be spectacular to stand out, you can't just be good at it. Then I look at my friends, I've got a few in AF ROTC, another is to do Marine Corps PLC for a commission as an aviator, and I have another friend whom I respect much more than the previous three, who just recently graduated from Marine Corps boot camp, he's going to be aircrew and hasn't even been a Marine for more than 4 weeks and he absolutely loves it, he gets paid ****, but he loves it, and looks forward to MCT and his MOS school with great excitement. He's leaving Saturday and after that I won't have anyone to talk to about what interests me most.

And with all of this, I realize I really have no satisfaction and no feeling of being content with my life, or where I am or what I've accomplished. I have really done or achieved nothing that I would be proud to tell people. College life sucks, sucks more when you don't party and leaves you way too much free time when you can't find a job, the three of four close friends that I have in this town are always busy with their jobs, girlfriends/boyfriends, or active lives. I used to have no problem with that because I would just mess with my car and make sure it was always pristine with no more than a water droplet or two on the outside, ever since I got in the wreck my car has been steadily falling apart into a worthless piece of ****, dents magically appearing, damage to my bumpers, rear end going bad, interior pieces breaking and fading, and more recently a ticking engine that makes the mis-matched paint the least of my problems now. And it seems I have been on a steady decline since that happened, myself, doing worse in school, being led-on and instantly cast aside by a bitch who became infatuated with some AF bro with a bike, becoming physically inactive and a lazy SOB compared to last year.

I have an overwhelming conscious that has me thinking morally all of the time. I always try to do the 'right' thing, I'm always willing to help out and talk to my friends when they need it, and I never leave anyone hanging out to dry. I do my best to make sure that everyone gets what they need and the reassurance they desire for any situation, but I seem to fall behind myself and end up being the one left behind. It's dumb, and not a way to succeed, but I can't play dirty, and I can't make myself take advantage of people or use their problems to my benefit. If I do something wrong I feel awful about it, it could be the smallest thing and it would still bother me. I would make a horrible politician.

On the outside, I wear a false demeanor and no one would suspect anything is different, I still joke a lot, hang out with friends, goof off and go out, but whenever I go to sleep all I can think about is how much I wish this were different. There is no valid reason for why I feel this way, I wouldn't call it a kind of depression, I don't waste time feeling sorry for myself and would rather do something constructive with my time. It's maybe shame, shame that has lasted with me since high school. I am not sorry for myself, I am mad at myself. Infuriated at myself because I didn't do enough to be great when it mattered. We are not supposed to dwell on the past, and the scope of my issues measures no where close to those that most of you have, but this is my life. Now, and for the past four years, I've been going along and have just felt that I am not good enough, and whenever I see some chance of breaking through and making myself stand out, something else would turn to catastrophe and I would soon enough be back underneath, and that I guess is Murphy's law. We are not praised for our accomplishments but rather tormented for our failures, and mine are stacking up. I'm just worried that I won't make it.

 

Here is what I suggest (not sure if you are asking for suggestions but here it is)


Until you can decide what you want to do with your life get some practical experience by doing volunteer work. I don't care what is getting you down in your life I promise that giving up your time to work with less fortunate people will make you happy and it opens you up to new experiences that you would never even have thought of before.

Join the ******* peace core, help special needs kids or work with the homeless. Is it monetarily beneficial..... no not really but there is a sense of purpose and accomplishment that comes from helping others that you can buy or find anywhere else.

 

I'm sorry Kevin, I probably don't have the right advice, or the words to make you feel better. Everyone in this world has a role to fill, wether they rise to thier potential, falls on to them. We have a lot of expectations placed upon us, I've learned to realize that it is impossible to achieve every one. It can be easy to look at the people who we feel are doing great things. I knew a guy here at the college, smartest person I knew. Had a kid, worked as a dental surgical assistant, used to work in an ER, made perfect grades, going to dental school, will be a dentist someday, because that is who he is and that is his potential. He worked his *** off, I doubt the guy got more than a couple hours of sleep every night and he was nearly 30 when he graduated from here. I know that if I worked hard enough, I could accomplish that aswell.

The hard part is making the right decisions, but you never know what the right decisions are until after you've made them. There are a good bit of things I would change about my college career. I have to make the best of it now.

 

hmmm sounds alot like my life now that i think about it.

you should move to pa, we could hang out.lol

 

I was just thinking the same thing, but instead I go to Flordia. I want better weather. haha

 

you have a lot of cognative distortions dude.

go get the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns, its teaches you how to recognize cognative distortions. it may sound hokey, but it really works. Going through this divorce there were a lot of times where i felt ugly, worthless, and hated. that book helped me tremendously.

 

Pee...you're good enough, smart enough, and dammit...people like you.

 

My cousin can paint house of kolors and hes color blind. Where hes color blind he only know's the paint code hes painting, and because hes color blind he can see shades of colors really well. Thats a thought.

But I agree on the college life with no job or parties.. Need to be more open to people n be the crowds clown, I do some crazy stuff all the time.

As for girls, play the game back, never fall in love. Never say you love them, even if you feel you do. Don't treat them necessarily good, avoid answering phone calls at times, dissapear, don't let them know they have ahold of you and your gonna do their bidding, unless its sex. XD But you got alot to look up to.

 

In other words, rather than act like an adult, play stupid mind games on them and set your entire goal on "getting laid"

dude, i nominate you for the "WORST ADVICE GIVEN ON MUSTANGBOARDS 2010"

 

I think, im gunna second that. Just wow dude, no.

 

All in favor?

 

His advice is like someone reading "I hope they serve beer in Hell" as a self help book, LOL.

Edit: HAHA beat you 08, LOL.

 

^^^ I

 

I nominate as well as among other things. I don't think Pee wants to paint houses either by the way. What does being the crowds clown have anything to do with being happy in life? Explain that one. Any mature people look at the "crowds clown" as a ******* retard who's always going to be the "crowds clown" and probably not going anywhere in life. And your advice on women is the typical male just trying to get laid approach where you think everything is a game. Sure some women play the "game" cause thats who they are, but if you just ignore and be a dick to a respectable woman then they'll see right through your bullshit and say c-ya.Anyways, enough of that.

Pee, from what I've seen, you're a good guy. Looks like you really enjoy doing all that graphic design stuff and magazine covers and all that. I know you were pretty set on doing something with the airforce and all that, but can you really not see yourself doing anything else and being happy? Why don't you put some of that artistic talent you have and see if you can get into like marketing or something for the army? You're still a young guy and have plenty of time to figure out what you really want to do. Just start applying for jobs that you might be interested in and give it a try. Don't be jealous of anyone cause theres always people who might have a better job, get paid more or whatever, but doesn't always mean their any more happy. Hell my friend has two masters in business and engineering and he hates his job for the most part. Just find what you love to do. You'll make it.

 

I 100% agree with the nomination lol.