Not Exactly The Newest E-Mail To Be Sent Out, But Still Funny As Hell.
#1
07-16-2008, 07:10 AM
Not Exactly The Newest E-Mail To Be Sent Out, But Still Funny As Hell.
If you remember the original Hollywood Squares (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0138968/), this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when the 'Hollywood Squares' responses were spontaneous real answers from the Hollywood guests, not the scripted ones they use now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
The respondents listed are as follows;
Paul Lynde - http://www.imdb.com/media/rm4134705152/nm0001489
Charley Weaver (real name Cliff Arquette) - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0037115/
George Gobel - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0323597/
Don Knotts - You know, Barney Fife!
Rose Marie - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0547300/
Vincent Price - You'd BETTER know who Vincent Price is.
Joan Rivers - Bleh
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. What made the monkey cry?
A. Paul Lynde: learning that Tarzan swings both ways.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years?
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. Charley, what story began with the discovery of magic beans?
A. Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind!
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. Which measurement was larger for the first Miss America , bust or hips?
A. Charley Weaver: Well, out at 'The Home', we have one of the first Miss Americas, and her bust meets her hips!
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. You're watching ***** going back and forth at speeds of up to 170 miles per hour. In what sport?
A. Joan Rivers: Jogging!
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more, or less, with your hands while talking?A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. If you're eating spaghetti the Italian way, what is in your left hand?
A. Paul Lynde: A fly swatter.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: Hey, I'll only lend him my car, the rest is up to him.
Q. What is a woman's most effective weapon?
A. Paul Lynde: ... a pair of 38's.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
The respondents listed are as follows;
Paul Lynde - http://www.imdb.com/media/rm4134705152/nm0001489
Charley Weaver (real name Cliff Arquette) - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0037115/
George Gobel - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0323597/
Don Knotts - You know, Barney Fife!
Rose Marie - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0547300/
Vincent Price - You'd BETTER know who Vincent Price is.
Joan Rivers - Bleh
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. What made the monkey cry?
A. Paul Lynde: learning that Tarzan swings both ways.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years?
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. Charley, what story began with the discovery of magic beans?
A. Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind!
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. Which measurement was larger for the first Miss America , bust or hips?
A. Charley Weaver: Well, out at 'The Home', we have one of the first Miss Americas, and her bust meets her hips!
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. You're watching ***** going back and forth at speeds of up to 170 miles per hour. In what sport?
A. Joan Rivers: Jogging!
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more, or less, with your hands while talking?A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. If you're eating spaghetti the Italian way, what is in your left hand?
A. Paul Lynde: A fly swatter.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: Hey, I'll only lend him my car, the rest is up to him.
Q. What is a woman's most effective weapon?
A. Paul Lynde: ... a pair of 38's.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
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