Your GF/Fiance living with another guy??
#1
07-17-2007 | 05:23 PM
Thread Starter
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46MONSTER
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,208
From: Wheaton, IL
Your GF/Fiance living with another guy??
My finace/GF is going to culinary school, she is entering her last year and has no one to live with, soooo this guy she goes to school with asked her if she wants to live with him (hes engaged) so she says no knowing what i will say, but she sees NOTHING wrong with it. sooo i just cant beleive that she would even THINK about doing this, we have been together for over 4 years, and to make things worse her mother wont even let her and I spend one night together but she also sees nothing wrong with it.
what doi you guys think?
what doi you guys think?
#2
07-17-2007 | 05:34 PM
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i would be pretty iffy about it myself, unless the Engaged guy's Fiancee also lives there.
My girlfriend and i recently picked up a roomate to help out with the bills and such. She is the girlfriend of one of my closest friends. Her parents were moving out of town and she diddnt want to go.
Seeing as how she lives with Me, my girlfriend, my girlfriends son, and the kid that me and my girlfriend just had, and the fact that he is a close friend he is actually pretty stoked about it.
I guess a LOT of it has to do with how well do you know this *******. He COULD just be looking for a roomate to save some cash. However, you have NO idea about this guy or his intentions, she is YOUR girlfriend and regardless to weather or not she knows him well enough to know he wont try anything, YOU dont know that.
You should tell her to look at it from your perspective. You dont know the guy. So, you dont trust him with your girlfriend. Make it clear that you trust her, not him. And even if she is smart and loyal enough to turn him down if he ever makes a move, you dont want her in that situation in the first place.
Or how about this. Take a pic of this chick and tell him that you and her are gonna room up together, and she shouldnt be worried because she is engaged and her fiancee is serving a year tour in iraq.
My girlfriend and i recently picked up a roomate to help out with the bills and such. She is the girlfriend of one of my closest friends. Her parents were moving out of town and she diddnt want to go.
Seeing as how she lives with Me, my girlfriend, my girlfriends son, and the kid that me and my girlfriend just had, and the fact that he is a close friend he is actually pretty stoked about it.
I guess a LOT of it has to do with how well do you know this *******. He COULD just be looking for a roomate to save some cash. However, you have NO idea about this guy or his intentions, she is YOUR girlfriend and regardless to weather or not she knows him well enough to know he wont try anything, YOU dont know that.
You should tell her to look at it from your perspective. You dont know the guy. So, you dont trust him with your girlfriend. Make it clear that you trust her, not him. And even if she is smart and loyal enough to turn him down if he ever makes a move, you dont want her in that situation in the first place.
Or how about this. Take a pic of this chick and tell him that you and her are gonna room up together, and she shouldnt be worried because she is engaged and her fiancee is serving a year tour in iraq.
#3
07-17-2007 | 05:38 PM
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 560
this is a tough one, talk about a catch 22. Well, you have to options both with good and bad out comes. 1st you say yes, live with the guy: option 1: everything is fine not trust issues...happy ending once the year is up. option 2 trust issues, fighting, could be cheating, maybe not, ends badly.
2nd you say no: option 1: "ok, your right" she says..happy ending option 2: trust issues come up, **** gets ugly fast.
your best bet is to talk about it at length, let her tell her side first, gauge what she says and how shes says it. listen to her responses to question and try to read in between the lines a little. after shes done, tell her your concerns, be sure to NOT say the word trust ...ever, in any context. she will think you dont trust her no matter what you say after that. Even if you dont deep down trust her, and you feel things might be coming to and end. You could use this situation as an out, set her up to fail, then if she does..you have a get out free jail card. Now if you know, without a doubt she wont cheat. Then dont worry so much.
2nd you say no: option 1: "ok, your right" she says..happy ending option 2: trust issues come up, **** gets ugly fast.
your best bet is to talk about it at length, let her tell her side first, gauge what she says and how shes says it. listen to her responses to question and try to read in between the lines a little. after shes done, tell her your concerns, be sure to NOT say the word trust ...ever, in any context. she will think you dont trust her no matter what you say after that. Even if you dont deep down trust her, and you feel things might be coming to and end. You could use this situation as an out, set her up to fail, then if she does..you have a get out free jail card. Now if you know, without a doubt she wont cheat. Then dont worry so much.
#4
07-17-2007 | 05:54 PM
has no legs
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 472
My finace/GF is going to culinary school, she is entering her last year and has no one to live with, soooo this guy she goes to school with asked her if she wants to live with him (hes engaged) so she says no knowing what i will say, but she sees NOTHING wrong with it. sooo i just cant beleive that she would even THINK about doing this, we have been together for over 4 years, and to make things worse her mother wont even let her and I spend one night together but she also sees nothing wrong with it.
what doi you guys think?
what doi you guys think?
#6
07-17-2007 | 06:04 PM
Everyday Im Hustlin
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 3,970
From: Ecorse, Michigan
Wow. That some Threes Company **** and i would be all over it like Jack Tripper.
But she said no. If the guy was single and she said yes, then i would have a problem. I thought thats how they do in college.
But she said no. If the guy was single and she said yes, then i would have a problem. I thought thats how they do in college.
#7
07-17-2007 | 06:29 PM
Administrator
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 6,613
Welp....I was actually in the same position. My g/f (who is now my wife of 15 years and three kids) lived with a male friend for about a year whne we were dating right up until the time we got engaged. He was a family friend and she really did not have any options. It never bothered me.
But, I think your g/f has put you in a bad position on this and I personally think she is crossing a line based on the facts you have described. BUT, I don't think you really have a choice. The fact that she asked either means it is totally harmless, OR it is not. Does it really matter then if youy stop her or not? Seriously, if there is damage, the damage has already been done.
So, my advice is......if you love her and you are in a comitted relationship, then you have to push on. If she screws up now....then you are only finding out somethign now rather then avoiding hardship later.
But don't create something out of nothing, because you will only loose. Seriously, base case is she accuses you of not trusting her and that will suck.
But, I think your g/f has put you in a bad position on this and I personally think she is crossing a line based on the facts you have described. BUT, I don't think you really have a choice. The fact that she asked either means it is totally harmless, OR it is not. Does it really matter then if youy stop her or not? Seriously, if there is damage, the damage has already been done.
So, my advice is......if you love her and you are in a comitted relationship, then you have to push on. If she screws up now....then you are only finding out somethign now rather then avoiding hardship later.
But don't create something out of nothing, because you will only loose. Seriously, base case is she accuses you of not trusting her and that will suck.
#8
07-17-2007 | 07:00 PM
I'd Hit It
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,847
From: Texarkana, TX/Conway, AR
Some pretty good responses and insight. I've been with my girlfriend for five years and trust her compleatly, but would never let her live with a guy, engaged or not, on thier own, especially if I didn't know him. You can trust your girlfriend 100% but what about the guy, do you trust him more than that, if not, then I don't think it would be a good idea.
#11
07-17-2007 | 08:02 PM
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 1,637
remember that morning hard-on....its unstoppable...it would definitely find its way into your girl at some point if you allowed her into that situation...just picture all the awkward shower situations...or midnight snacks leading to midnight talks..or them watchin scary flicks together...them workin out domestic dutys together...them talkin about you together....essentially them playin house together...bullshit...you stick to your guns on a firm NO
#12
07-17-2007 | 08:33 PM
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Posts: n/a
while i think streetracer is a bit extreme with his conviction that this dude will bone her, i would garauntee you 100% that if they lived together at some point he will see her naked even if by accident.
lol....
but hey, she told the guy no. so my reccommendation is to just drop it. let it go, she aint moving in with him. she turned him down without being told to either. she did a good job.
lol....
but hey, she told the guy no. so my reccommendation is to just drop it. let it go, she aint moving in with him. she turned him down without being told to either. she did a good job.
#16
07-17-2007 | 11:08 PM
Thread Starter
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46MONSTER
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,208
From: Wheaton, IL
thanks guys for the advice/ insight. What got me was the fact that she saw nothing wrong with it. as well as her mom. it wont happen cuz she said no and i told her i would not stick around for it if it did happen. I had to explain to her how guys are. And streetracer as crazy as it sounds i was thinking exactly what you were. just imagine if i give my GF a call and he answers and says shes in the shower, i just would not be able to deal with that. to me thats just not how people getting ready to get mariied act.
#17
07-18-2007 | 12:27 AM
More Cowbell
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,003
From: North Carolina
Good choice dude. Say hell no. Because for sure you would have that thought on Your mind all day long. Everyday, even after you talk to her or see her, when your not there it's gonna be on your mind. And your mind will play tricks on you. Then you will start to believe what may or may not be happening, cause you don"t really know for sure. Best not to deal with those "what if " stuff.. 
#19
07-18-2007 | 05:19 PM
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,085
From: Austin, Texas
I was on the other side of this situation. I had a 3 bedroom house and ended up getting 2 girls to move in to help with the rent. They were both friends of mine and I, at first, didn't see it any other way than just roommates. One had a boyfriend (only met him a couple of times) and spent alot of time at his place and the other hung out at home with me most of the time. We ended up messing around all the time, even after she got a boyfriend later. She'd get back from a date and crawl into bed with me and we'd get busy. Eventually, she ended up moving to Florida. The second roommate that stayed ended up fighting with her boyfriend constantly and started spending more time at the house. We ended up screwing around quite a bit. I didn't know her boyfriend, he wasn't a friend of mine and I couldn't careless at the time. I was getting laid and didn't have to deal with a g/f type situation. It was more like friends with benefits. The irony of it was that they were fighting over the fact that she had a guy for a roommate and he didn't trust her or me. When their fighting first started, there wasn't anything going on between us, I was screwing the other girl.
Grant it, and this is no excuse for it at all, I was in a punk rock band, doing alot of drugs and partying constantly, the other guy was a straight laced sunday school type. Hated smokers, didnt drink and listened to gospel music. Reality has shown that bad boys get laid, nice guys get frustrated.
Hope this sheds some light on the situation, cus if ya'll don't know each other, I doubt he'd have any moral dilemma hitting on your g/f on those long nights where they are all hot and sweaty in the kitchen cooking and studying together, because I wouldn't.
Grant it, and this is no excuse for it at all, I was in a punk rock band, doing alot of drugs and partying constantly, the other guy was a straight laced sunday school type. Hated smokers, didnt drink and listened to gospel music. Reality has shown that bad boys get laid, nice guys get frustrated.
Hope this sheds some light on the situation, cus if ya'll don't know each other, I doubt he'd have any moral dilemma hitting on your g/f on those long nights where they are all hot and sweaty in the kitchen cooking and studying together, because I wouldn't.
#20
07-18-2007 | 06:15 PM
Banned
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 1,637
for the youngsters on the site...theres a flip side to this statement that i learned the hard way...wild guy ****s the girl....straight laced guy keeps the girl... i've screwed so many more than i deserved but i think back and wish i had just stuck to screwin one special one
#24
07-18-2007 | 07:32 PM
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 1,637
its just that as my buds are startin to get married i keep thinkin i shoulda had the kid and the white picket fence...lord knows if it wasnt for the clinic i woulda had a baseball team of kids by now...anybody whos married and strugglin to have a kid, i know the secret...put her in the backseat of a car and screw her...i tell ya i can be in bed with 2 of the hottest girls and be wishin i had my buddies wife...uh...that didnt sound right but you know what i mean...once you start down that playboy path you cant get off of it...it sucks...i'm just sayin i wish i had been that straightlaced guy from the start
#25
07-18-2007 | 07:33 PM
Resident Mental Patient
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,834
From: Wappingers Falls, NuYawk
its just that as my buds are startin to get married i keep thinkin i shoulda had the kid and the white picket fence...lord knows if it wasnt for the clinic i woulda had a baseball team of kids by now...anybody whos married and strugglin to have a kid, i know the secret...put her in the backseat of a car and screw her...i tell ya i can be in bed with 2 of the hottest girls and be wishin i had my buddies wife...uh...that didnt sound right but you know what i mean...once you start down that playboy path you cant get off of it...it sucks...i'm just sayin i wish i had been that straightlaced guy from the start
#29
07-18-2007 | 10:15 PM
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,085
From: Austin, Texas
#30
07-19-2007 | 12:07 AM
Banned
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 1,637
lol...forget the doorbell brother...with all the kids on the site you might just get a pm