Republican National Convention Schedule


6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell

6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)

6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment

7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong

7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries

7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner

8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children

8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)

8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future

9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"

9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong

9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires

9:30 PM Break for secret meetings

10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy

10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho

10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare

10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt

10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans

10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong

10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy

11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata

11:20 PM Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult

11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again

11:35 PM Blame Clinton

11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies

11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself

12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

 

 

Wow..so the Republicans can raise people from the dead now? When did they gain that power?!

 

Sounds a lot more fun than the demy convention..I'll go to it for sure!

 

LOL!