Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer:


In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand; a grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"


She responded,"Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a
big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think
you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."


The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked "Mrs. Jones,do you know the defense attorney?"


She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a
drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and
his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention
he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him."


The defense attorney almost died.


The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said; "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me,
I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt.

 

Haha ;x

 

I like that. It was a great thing to read first thing in the morning.

I have another one. I read it in a 'humor paper' that circulates around the area I live in.

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer, so they sent a United Way representative to his office to solicit his donation. She confidently walks up to his receptionist, explains who she is, and the receptionist agreed to allow her to see the lawyer. She walks into the lawyer's office, takes a seat in a chair, gathers herself and proceeds to explain why she is there.

"Our research shows that even though your annual income is over a million dollars, you do not give one penny to charity! Wouldn't you like to give back to your community through The United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a moment and says:
"First, did your research show that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh, no."

"Secondly, did your research show you that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but she is cut off.

"Thirdly, did your research show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful traffic accident", the lawyers voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says simply, "I had no idea."

The lawyer then says"...and if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

 

nice