The Crap List
#1
04-14-2008, 06:34 PM
The Crap List
Just a little something after a hard Monday!
The Crap List!!!!
The Ghost Crap
The kind where you feel crap come out, see crap on the toilet paper, but there's no crap in the bowl.
The Clean Crap
The kind where you feel crap come, see crap in the bowl, but there's no crap on the toilet paper.
The Wet Crap
You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your
butt and your underwear so you dont ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Second Wave Crap
This crap happens when you've finished, your pants are up to knees, and you suddenly realize you have
to crap some more.
The Brain Hemorrahage Through your Nose Crap
Also known as "pop a vein in your forehead crap".
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The Corn Crap
No explanation necessary.
The Lincoln Log
The kind of crap that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little
pieces with the toilet brush.
The Notorius Drinker Crap
The kind of crap you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's the most noticeable trait is the
tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet after you flush.
The "Gee I Wish I could Crap" Crap
The kind where you want to crap, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet,
cramped and farting.
The Wet Cheeks Crap
Also known as the "Power Pump". That's the kind the comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheecks
get splashed with the toilet water.
The Liquid Crap
That's the lind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl
and, at the same time, chronically burns you tender poop-chute.
The Mexican Food Crap
A class all to it's own.
The Crowd Pleaser
The crap is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Mood Enhancer
This crap occurs after a lenthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual
This crap occurs at the same time everyday, with the aid of a newspaper.
The Guiness Book of Records Crap
A crap so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
The Aftershock Crap
This crap has on odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
The "Honeymoon's Over" Crap
This is any crap created in the presence of another person.
The Groaner
A crap so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
The Floater
Characterized by its floatability, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The Phantom Crap
This appears in the toilet mysteriosly and no one will admit to putting it there.
The Peek-A-Boo Crap
Now you see it, now you don't. This crap is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
The Bombshell
A crap that comes as a complete suprise at a time that is either inappropriate to crap OR your nowhere near
craping facilities.
The Snake Charmer
A long skinny crap which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position- usally harmless.
The Olympic Crap
This crap occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and
bears a close resemblance to the drinker's crap.
Tluster, often a gift from
God when you actually can't crap.
Premeditated Crap
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
Crapopherenia
Fear of crapping- can be fatal.
Energizer vs Duracell crap
Also known as a "still going" crap
The Power Dump Crap
The kind where the crap comes out so fast, you barely get your pants done when your DONE!
The Liquid Plumber Crap
This kind of crap is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor.(you should have followed
the directions from the lincoln log crap)
The Spinal Tap Crap
The kind of crap that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it was coming out sideways.
The "I Think im Giving Birth Through my Butthole" Crap
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spincal Tap Craps. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy
beer bottle can. Vacuos air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Poridge Crap
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps comin. You have 2 choices A) flush and keep going,
B) Risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
The "I'm Going to Chew My Food Better" Crap
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
The "I Think I'm Turning Into a Bunny" Crap
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they
hit the water.
The "What The Heck Dies In Here?" Crap
Also sometimes referred to as "the toxic dump". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom
odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.
The "I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dandling There" Crap
Where you sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear
all over the place.
The Crap List!!!!
The Ghost Crap
The kind where you feel crap come out, see crap on the toilet paper, but there's no crap in the bowl.
The Clean Crap
The kind where you feel crap come, see crap in the bowl, but there's no crap on the toilet paper.
The Wet Crap
You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your
butt and your underwear so you dont ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Second Wave Crap
This crap happens when you've finished, your pants are up to knees, and you suddenly realize you have
to crap some more.
The Brain Hemorrahage Through your Nose Crap
Also known as "pop a vein in your forehead crap".
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The Corn Crap
No explanation necessary.
The Lincoln Log
The kind of crap that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little
pieces with the toilet brush.
The Notorius Drinker Crap
The kind of crap you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's the most noticeable trait is the
tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet after you flush.
The "Gee I Wish I could Crap" Crap
The kind where you want to crap, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet,
cramped and farting.
The Wet Cheeks Crap
Also known as the "Power Pump". That's the kind the comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheecks
get splashed with the toilet water.
The Liquid Crap
That's the lind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl
and, at the same time, chronically burns you tender poop-chute.
The Mexican Food Crap
A class all to it's own.
The Crowd Pleaser
The crap is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Mood Enhancer
This crap occurs after a lenthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual
This crap occurs at the same time everyday, with the aid of a newspaper.
The Guiness Book of Records Crap
A crap so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
The Aftershock Crap
This crap has on odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
The "Honeymoon's Over" Crap
This is any crap created in the presence of another person.
The Groaner
A crap so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
The Floater
Characterized by its floatability, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The Phantom Crap
This appears in the toilet mysteriosly and no one will admit to putting it there.
The Peek-A-Boo Crap
Now you see it, now you don't. This crap is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
The Bombshell
A crap that comes as a complete suprise at a time that is either inappropriate to crap OR your nowhere near
craping facilities.
The Snake Charmer
A long skinny crap which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position- usally harmless.
The Olympic Crap
This crap occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and
bears a close resemblance to the drinker's crap.
Tluster, often a gift from
God when you actually can't crap.
Premeditated Crap
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
Crapopherenia
Fear of crapping- can be fatal.
Energizer vs Duracell crap
Also known as a "still going" crap
The Power Dump Crap
The kind where the crap comes out so fast, you barely get your pants done when your DONE!
The Liquid Plumber Crap
This kind of crap is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor.(you should have followed
the directions from the lincoln log crap)
The Spinal Tap Crap
The kind of crap that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it was coming out sideways.
The "I Think im Giving Birth Through my Butthole" Crap
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spincal Tap Craps. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy
beer bottle can. Vacuos air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Poridge Crap
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps comin. You have 2 choices A) flush and keep going,
B) Risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
The "I'm Going to Chew My Food Better" Crap
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
The "I Think I'm Turning Into a Bunny" Crap
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they
hit the water.
The "What The Heck Dies In Here?" Crap
Also sometimes referred to as "the toxic dump". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom
odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.
The "I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dandling There" Crap
Where you sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear
all over the place.
#3
04-14-2008, 10:30 PM
OMG. Where did you get this **** from.. LOL. 
. My eyes are all teared up. Add 1 more to it. The Taco Bell crap. Smells the same coming out as it did going in.. Someone once said, if you buy a burrito from taco bell, just toss it in the toilet, it has the same results,, 
. My eyes are all teared up. Add 1 more to it. The Taco Bell crap. Smells the same coming out as it did going in.. Someone once said, if you buy a burrito from taco bell, just toss it in the toilet, it has the same results,,
#7
04-15-2008, 08:28 AM
The drunken diarhea: When you are so drunk you sit down with your runny *****, you fall forward from being drunk and **** all over your back.
#9
04-15-2008, 08:46 AM
LOL nah not quite. Ive never seen or heard of it done. I was just sitting here thinking "What would be the worst thing ever" and I thought of that.
#10
04-15-2008, 08:49 AM
that is bad because most likely youll wake up the next morning with **** stains all over your sheets from the missing swipes of toilet paper trying to get it off your back
#12
04-15-2008, 11:01 PM
I got another one that should be included here.. The "Doctor prescribed crap". Magnesium Citrate. prior to any abdominal surgery/procedure you may have coming up. Be prepared be very prepared. Get your reading material, smokes, and escpecially some kind of soothing cream to dab on yer lil poop shoot. You will be amazed at how much crap you have in you. LOL, Been there, done that, and it's almost as bad as a barium enema. Which BTW id the worst of all craps.. Sucks to get a disease these days.. 
#13
04-16-2008, 10:09 AM
I got another one that should be included here.. The "Doctor prescribed crap". Magnesium Citrate. prior to any abdominal surgery/procedure you may have coming up. Be prepared be very prepared. Get your reading material, smokes, and escpecially some kind of soothing cream to dab on yer lil poop shoot. You will be amazed at how much crap you have in you. LOL, Been there, done that, and it's almost as bad as a barium enema. Which BTW id the worst of all craps.. Sucks to get a disease these days..
I had a colonoscopy done last year. I had to do the colon cleansing bit the night before and the morning of the procedure. My sister, who's an RN, called to tell me to drink plenty of fluids like Gatorade for electrolyte replacement. I had just taken the first dose, and told her that I would take a ride to the convienence store down the road to get some. She said "no, you better stay right where you are, have Trish or Jon ( my wife and son) get it for you... the stuff will kick in in a few minutes..."
She wasn't kidding!
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