Lol. yeah. this time it is my turn i guess.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Ok, so, my wife and i have been together almost 2 years and married for half a year.

We have a 7month old son together, and she has a 6 year old from a prior relationship.

The father of the 6yr old is basically garbage. total dead beat dad, he has done absolutly nothing for this kid as far as i know since he was born.

Anyways, my wife was with him when she was a bit younger. Still in highschool. They were together untill she got pregnant then he split on her. He gives no money to help riase his son, he didnt even call his son on his birthday

He has been in and out of jail for selling meth, he recently violated his parole and was back in, and is now back out on probation.
So now he is outm, and of course he messages my wife, and she responds. she manages to **** him off a couple times, he calls back occasionally wanting to talk.

Now, i am in NO way worried about losing her to him, but honestly im annoyed she is talking to him. He hasnt done jack **** to be her sons father. I have done more for that kid in the past year than his own dad has done his whole life. I AM that kids dad now.

The problem here is she wont cut off ties to him. He is not on his kids birth cert, he never does anything, he really has NOTHING to do with his kid.

She says it is cause she "wants answers" and im saying after 6 years, what the hell kind of answer is there? He is a dirtbag, there is yer answer. She says she wants closure. Anyways, we got in an arguement because somebody told her i was bugged that this guy is calling and i dont really feel she is taking me or my feelings into consideration.

she is digging for answers in a dry well. This guy has none. And i am worried that if she hasnt found the answers in 6 years, is she gonna continue to talk to this guy for the next 6 years? and another 6 after that?

any advice on this?

As far as his "rights" to see his son, this guy is a alleged "blood", and supposedly got "Jumped black" so he isnt white anymore? he sells meth to minors, is in and out of jail, and has absolutly NOTHING he could offer his son except a hard life. Rebecca and i are even planning to have me adopt her son because this guy isnt on the birth cert. I really want him out of the picture for good. If he wants to give some money over to help pay food his sons food and clothing, then i guess he should have some rights to see him, but so far he has done fucko.

 

hmmm...how can i put this? okay this may sound weird but its deep.... DONT BE THE GOOD GUY FIGHTING THE BAD GUY.....i know...its silly but listen....good guy never ever wins...bad guy always brings out the need in a girl...always makes her want to understand him....everything is against the bad guy rebel....if you speak against him then he'll turn you into the establishment in her eyes.......ignore him jack....keep him beneath you....dont bring him up to her...dont argue it...dont even inquire about him....just keep doin what ya doin....livin and takin care of her....its a science bro...i used ta play that bad guy role like nobodies business...never ever failed to get a girl with it....youre a good man jack...dont let him use it against you....that would be my move if i were him....get you upset...let your anger force a wedge...guy is just out of jail so you know hes lookin to score...stay frosty

 

I don't know man...you're in sorta a tough spot. If he's a "Blood" then quite frankly I'd be affraid to even have him in the childs life, along with you and your wifes. Sit down and talk to your lady and tell her exactly how you feel that you view the guy as a threat to the child. If she has any common sence...she'd know that. Take it one step at a time and shut the guy out of your life, your wifes life and your sons life. He hasn't been there in the past...why do you need him now???

 

I disagree with street. First of all you've done more for her than the dead beat. You are now her husband and as so it gives you a right to tell her to not speak to him. I would tell her, find him, talk to him and get the "closure" you seek. After that's been taken care of, demand that she doesn't speak to him ever again. I'd be pissed as hell if my wife was still talking to her ex....but that's just me..

 

age of demandin a girl do somethin is over...dont force her to do it behind your back...

 

It's different when he's a CRIMINAL

 

Anyone that would subject their child and their love to someone like that is not a good father or husband...just my 2 cents

 

so what would you have jack do? stop him from seeing his son? stop her from seeing him...listen boys...this guy is in their life forever...criminal or not...so what should jack do? jack cant kill the guy...jack cant put his wife on a leash....so should jack let this guy be the spark of constant arguing in his marriage?....thats what it'll be if jack tries to lord over his wife...and believe me thats what this guy wants...cause jack has this guys family...bottom line...so jack has to beat the guy the smart way..honestly i dont think jack can scare this guy off...

 

Oh I totally understand what you're saying street. But Jack's married and has a family he needs to watch out for. I'm not saying he needs to buy his wife a shock collar or anything...but his wife should atleast have some common sence to know that the guy is a threat to her well being and her sons. If the guy made some effort to reach out and be a dad...then I'd say ya...but like Jack said the guy belongs to one of the most nitorious gangs in the US. He's gone to jail on parole violations...he's obviously unstable and quite frankly isn't ready to help raise a kid. If he did a turn around and satyed off the streets...held a job...wasn't in a gang...and sent a few dollars to help out...then ya, the guy would have every right to see his kid.

 

How much of how you feel have you told her thus far Jack? You don't have to be specific just give us an idea of what these arguments usually cover. On a side note I'm a firm believer that if you tell someone exactly what you are feeling and why you feel that way things generally work out. To begin with though don't make any demands or ultimatums. Figure out exactly what she wants aswell. ask what kind of answers is she expecting.
P.S. never raise your voice it only pushes women to argue harder. Quiet voices without anger means feelings usually don't get hurt.



God I sound gay

 

It's ok...It's your inner woman coming out...do you need a tissue???

 

so what should jack do? i'm betting he wont be able to simply shut this guy out of their lives

 

Yeah thanks. now that thats rolled

 

I have no idea...but I do know that he can't let someone like that just walk in and subject all his problems onto a kid that's at the age where he won't understand. Jack my freind...you are in a tough spot

 

I think you're right. what can Jack do? not much other than convey his feeling to his wife and hope she understands. In the end though, the best way is to tell her once and then drop it....the deadbeat wants to cause stress between Jack and his woman, so the goal should be to not let him win...pretend he doesn't exist as best as possible.

 

forgetting something bottled......its not totally jacks call....this guy isnt just walking in...she invited him in when she decided she needed answers....one thing we all agree on jack me boyo....find out exactly what sort of answers she needs from this guy

 

exactly...lemmee tell ya a quick tale....now i have a really bad temper...really really bad...but mostly it works for me so i dont seek therapy...ayway...once upon a summer past me and my girl were lying on a beach at dawn watchin the sun come up...her phone rings...i hear the guys voice askin where she is...she says shes out and says goodnight....hangs up...but i flip out demandin to know who this **** is who who thinks he can ask her where she is at 4am....anyway i gather up the blanket ...throw her in my car ...drive her home....toss her out and speed off....now she is all upset tryin to explain and i dont wanna hear it...my kid sister hears about it and pulls me aside...she says to me...and i never forgot it....she says...

"tommy...this happened to me once...and the guy explained why he did it later...he said that he called when he knew my boyfriend was around because he knew it would **** my boyfriend off and cause problems...he WANTED to cause an argument and you let him...you gave him the power to ruin your romantic morning"



thats when i first started to figure out the whole psychological technique involved...gotta think like the enemy bro

 

Well, first off,

This guy, Kobe is his name, in my view is nothing but as bitch, he doesent scare me one bit. If he ever came to my house i would immediatly mace him then start working his face with a tire iron. i dont believe in fighting fair. He claims to have been jumped in as a blood, he is also white and claims to be black saying he got jumped black..... i wouldnt be overly suprised that me misunderstood and diddnt get jumped in, but just got jumped.

The impression im getting is he is a total wannabe, he has some loser friends and may have gotten themselves jumped into the bloods but i dont think he has any pull or is really a hardcore gangbanger.

He is a criminal, but he is no mastermind, he is far from brilliant, and while any retard can pull a trigger, i thnk that is far beyond where he would be willing to go.

Streetracer is right to a degree, if i get on her *** and yell ay her, she will continue to do it anyways, but do it behind my back. This is absolutly cannot allow as it will stasrt to cause some trust issues, if she does this i want her to tell me about it.

However, i dont want this dirtbag involved in our lives. I am planning to adopt his son, he isnt on the birth cert, and once i adopt him i expect this guy to **** off permanantly. We could always threaten him with child support, but if he starts paying that gives him some rights as a father. My job right now with both kids is to help them with life lessons and instill in them a good moral compass, however, this guy has the potential to really screw things up. ......."awww nawz suns, you dont need ta listen to dat bitch, he aint yo daddy im yo daddy"

I told her that i dont think she will ever get answers or closure, i told her closure is gained at funerals, not by cheap escuses of deadbeat dads. Im not forbidding her from doing anything because i dont want to be in the situation streetracer is talking about.

I want to be clear on one thing, there is ZERO chance she would leave me for this guy. She realizes he is a 2 bit bitch and she cant stand him, however, she cant seem to untwine herself from him because he was the sperm donor for her first kid. (apparently he used to be a decent guy when she first met him)
However while im not afraid of losing her to him, i dont ******* want him around. He has never been a dad to this kid and needs to just go to hell before he causes anymore damage.


I told her that if i thought for a second he could give her answers and closure that i would be behind her 100%, but i dont think she will get them, and i dont want to be putting up with him for the next 10 years.

 

Just call the cops and say someone is selling meth at his address. If hes up to no good he deserves to be back in the pookie.

Somethings are best left unanswered and in the past. Why look in the past at hardships when you should be looking to the future far away from those bad times. Your wife needs to understand that there is nothing back there for her except pain so why reopen that. Joe Dirt is the best movie to watch for this concept .

She needs to not waste energy on this guy and focus it on your family. If she cant understand that then their is something else happening their that she does not want you to know(like this douche is her first love and will always be therefore she always wants him in her life no matter how minimal ) or (dont take this the wrong way and no disrespect) shes just plain dumb and will search endlessly for answers that will never be there.

 

Im glad to know im not the only one that thinks this is rediculous.

Welp, after arguing with her a little earlier, she messaged him that he needs to make a decision, either step up and be a real father and a positive role model in his sons life, or to go away and never return cause this on/off stuff is bad for his son and we wont tolerate it anymore.

i guess he called her up. He was doing his usual crap, he asked for another chance to prove himself, and he will prove himself, but he doesent have a damn thing to prove to me.

She told him "He is the one RAISING YOUR CHILD and being his role model! He is the one who puts food in his mouth and shelter over his head, he was there for him on hist birthday, christmas, and he is the one who comforted your son last night after he had a nightmare. Bullshit you dont have to prove anything to him!"


so i guess something happened that never happened before.

He dropped the "gangsta speak" and started talking like an adult.

the guy admits he has been a lousy father, admits his life has been going nowhere and he is miserable about it. He said he wants to get his **** figured out, he wants to get out of the gang life (wannabe if u ask me) and he wants to be able to figure out how to be a dad and a good role model and show his son how NOT to turn out. And then he asked that rebecca and i BOTH give him one last chance.

eh. i dunno.

i would like for the guy to be a real dad for the kid, maybe take him every other weekend, whatever. but, man, people dont change very often

 

Thank God shes smart and not emotional. I would give him a chance. First by providing $$ and I would double check where he works and what he does on his free time. Let him have surpervised visits until your wife,kid and you feel comfortable. After a few months I would hire a PI to verify he is clean.

 

from the sound of him, I wouldn't want him any where near his kid.

 

lmao...there it is...thats the formula..."misunderstood badboy trying to change his life"....i used ta run that back in grade school and it never failed to get the girl...this guy is funny.......on a serious note....you really cant have him around the kids if hes TRYING to get out of the gang life....having dealt with many bloods in my professional life i can tell ya they have a nasty habit of hurting family members....blood in...blood out...last time i checked you DO NOT get to leave the gang...and you dont need one of them gettin an order to ****** the "traitors" kid...i'm really curious though...how the hell did a white guy go to jail and hook up with the bloods instead of the skinheads? what kinda loser is this guy anyway?

 

Dude, this guy's teeth are blue and rotting out of his head because of his crystal meth addiction. Of course he wants to get in her pants she is hot, But there is no way in HELL he can POSSIBLY pull her away from me. That i garauntee you.

He may be a bad guy, and i may be a good guy, but dont confuse me as a Nice Guy. I am FAR from one of those sentimental nice guys that girls just want as a friend. lol.

As for, white guy in jail as a blood, well, there is the kicker. He claims he is black. Apparently his "Bloods" jumped him black, so he no longer regards himself as white.

i know.... i know....

The real question is "Is this guy a legit blood"

As with any large city we do have a mafia presence, a pretty strong russian mafia presence, as far as Gangs go we definatly have more hispanic and asian gangs than black gangs which bloods primarily are.

he lives in Arvada Co, and has lived there his whole life. I remember when i was going up to see my wife (then girlfriend) i passed through neighborhoods in arvada with the big ol built vatos wearing thier dickies and wifebeaters lifting weights in front of thier **** apartments. You could see the slight form behind the small of thier back and you knew they were strapping. Thats mostly what is up there to my knowledge.. Hispanic Gangs. the further north you go it is the asian gangs, and far east in Aurora on west colfax is the black gang territory.

I live somewhat between the rich neighborhoods and hispanic ganglands, a nice easy going suburb of littleton co. Dont let the columbine massacre fool you, it is a great neighborhood.

This guys geographical location makes fucko for sence really. He is sitting in hispanic territory. Honestly i dont know how legit he is as a blood. Rebecca says he swears up and down he is a blood. Im sure he knows some bloods but more likely than not he has made some friends in there and just claims to be a blood. Rebecca doesent have any real recollection of him hanging with black folk, mostly just his dumbass gangsta wannabe buddies.

Then again, sometimes the wannabes are the ones you really gotta worry about, they are mroe concerned about making a name for themselves and can be more likely to do dumbshit than somone who is legit.

Regardless, this guy thinks he is tough, and thinks he is a badass, if he in any way whatsoever brings harm to Myself, My wife, or My kids, well, lets just say he is gonna see what a "good guy" i am. I have always been able to take taunts and jabs from other people, but as soon as i see that directed towards my friends or anyone i care about all my self control and reasoning gos right out the window.

 

i would just keep doing what you are doing. if you adopt the boy your wife will soon see there is no need to get the awnsers she needs from him. i found if you give them the time to see that they have what they are looking for they will stop looking. hang inthere you will get what you want you just have to wait for it

 

hey man, what a quincident, my g/f's name is your wife's name(Rebecca). anyway... I just wanted to say hang in there bro. I know it must be mind racking for you and what not but as far as i see it your that kids dad and if the kid doesnt know really who he/she's real father is, if I were you I wouldnt want he/she to know and just raise it as your own(like you've pretty much been doing). and if you can get your wife to understand that you dont want to be botherd by him or her have to be botherd by him and that you just want to go on with your life. hell the past is the past, he shouldnt of bitched out 6years ago like he did if he wanted to have anything to do with her and the kid. if your wife loves you(not saying she doesnt just yeah..) she will understand where your comming from man. he had his chances and blew em. my mom did the saething to me she dropped me off at my grandparents house 17yrs ago and never came back, you know what i'd say if she ever called/came...**** her now she's knew where i was for 17yrs and she's had her chance, i dont need her now for anything. i have a mom(grandma) and ofcourse grandpa and my dad lives 1/2 mile down the road.my dad is basically doing the same thing as you, his wife had a kid by another guy (she was mad and etc. and slept w/someone else) but he's raising it as his own and doesnt want the guy in her life. my g/f's dad(real dad) did the samething and left before she was born and hasnt done anything since.well yeah i'm done for now but goodluck on everything man

 

JACK!! You must have a sit down with your woman and basically tell her to sever all ties with this lowlife.. If she has to get a restraing order, so be it. Put your foot down and give her an ultimatum.. It's probably not gonna be too long before this dude is in prison again anyway.. You gotta find out if she's willing to end this BS with the gansta or not. Geez after 6 years she should wanna cut and run from this loser anyway. You just need to start her in the right direction. NO more keeping in touch with him or ELSE.. Be firm and you'll get your answer be it bad or good what she intends to do..

 

Main issue is that she wants to be `100% sure that the baby bio father has been given a fair chance to step up to the plate. He has or had a drug problem which means he was not thinking clearly. Since hes off the stuff maybe he would be the father that he could of been if he wasnt on the funny stuff. I think thats what your wife is looking for jack and if you dont let her explore that if may bite you later. Drug addiction is tough for the addict but even tougher on the people around them.

 

I would never let someone like that get anywhere near my kids. Whether they were legitimate or not. Especially keep them on weekends. He isn't going to be changed over night. It would take year or years to change from his bad habits and get completely clean.

 

I think it's good that you're thinking of giving him a chance Jack, but I think that the WORST possible thing you could do to this situation would be to get violent with this guy if things go south. Think of what that could do. You would be setting a horrible example to the kids. You'd probably end up in court. Think of what it could do to your relationship with your wife and your wife's family. And the worst part would be that if you **** this guy up, he will NEVER be out of the picture. From the sound of it, he's probably stupid enough come back and pull a gun on you. This would be even more damaging to you, your wife and kids.

Don't stoop to his level.