Funny Drunk Stories.
#1
07-18-2006 | 03:08 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
Funny Drunk Stories.
Thought this might be an entertaining thread. Or at least re-enforce danny747's belief that only idiots drink. lol....
ill go first. this is my spider story.
Ok so this was back in 1997 in Misawa AB Japan. The front gate is about 1/2 mile from the barracks and right after the front gate is Green Pole Road which is where all the bars were. Nice and easily within walking distance.
Im freakin hammered. Were on our way back and im totally swaggering around drunk and starting to get the very early feeling of nausea. Before we hit the barracks the road splits up and forms a big circle with all 50 flags around it and a b-52 in the center for decoration.
Were walking through flag circle and as I pass under the wing of the decomissioned B-52 I walk into the biggest spider web ive ever seen. Now mind you, I hate spiders. They freak me out! Anyways I walk through the web and start hacking and spitting and trying to wipe the webbing off of me when I see this big ****ing spider crawling right up my left side! In a drunken panic I scream and swat it, only to rip it open and smear it all over my hands and shirt.
This particular breed of spider does not have egg sacks, but rather grows its eggs in its back, when it gives birth the babys eat their way out of the mother and eat the mother. This bitch was probably 10 minuits away from having its baby. I swat it, it rips open and smears, and hundreds and hundreds of tiny little spiders start crawling all over my side, and I just start screaming like a bitch! I grab my shirt, pull it over my head, I feel the cold smeared gelatinous goo of the mother spider touch my arm and I just totally unloaded my stomache with my shirt up over my head. Imaging wearing one of those neck cones they put on a dog after surgery and vomiting. My whole shirt filled up and as I finally got the shirt off my head I start rolling around on the ground slapping my size occasionally burping up a bit of vomit untill I finally settle down. All the spiders dead, half naked, head and face covered in vomit.
Anyways. The worst part was my friends refused to believe there was a spider. According to them, and they are all sticking to this, we were walking home when all of the sidden I started punching myself, slapping myself, screaming, fell, pulled my shirt over my head, vomited and rolled around screaming. They said when the shirt finally came off of my head that a big fat lick of vomit slung out about 8 feet. Lol……
Anyone else have any good drunk stories?
ill go first. this is my spider story.
Ok so this was back in 1997 in Misawa AB Japan. The front gate is about 1/2 mile from the barracks and right after the front gate is Green Pole Road which is where all the bars were. Nice and easily within walking distance.
Im freakin hammered. Were on our way back and im totally swaggering around drunk and starting to get the very early feeling of nausea. Before we hit the barracks the road splits up and forms a big circle with all 50 flags around it and a b-52 in the center for decoration.
Were walking through flag circle and as I pass under the wing of the decomissioned B-52 I walk into the biggest spider web ive ever seen. Now mind you, I hate spiders. They freak me out! Anyways I walk through the web and start hacking and spitting and trying to wipe the webbing off of me when I see this big ****ing spider crawling right up my left side! In a drunken panic I scream and swat it, only to rip it open and smear it all over my hands and shirt.
This particular breed of spider does not have egg sacks, but rather grows its eggs in its back, when it gives birth the babys eat their way out of the mother and eat the mother. This bitch was probably 10 minuits away from having its baby. I swat it, it rips open and smears, and hundreds and hundreds of tiny little spiders start crawling all over my side, and I just start screaming like a bitch! I grab my shirt, pull it over my head, I feel the cold smeared gelatinous goo of the mother spider touch my arm and I just totally unloaded my stomache with my shirt up over my head. Imaging wearing one of those neck cones they put on a dog after surgery and vomiting. My whole shirt filled up and as I finally got the shirt off my head I start rolling around on the ground slapping my size occasionally burping up a bit of vomit untill I finally settle down. All the spiders dead, half naked, head and face covered in vomit.
Anyways. The worst part was my friends refused to believe there was a spider. According to them, and they are all sticking to this, we were walking home when all of the sidden I started punching myself, slapping myself, screaming, fell, pulled my shirt over my head, vomited and rolled around screaming. They said when the shirt finally came off of my head that a big fat lick of vomit slung out about 8 feet. Lol……
Anyone else have any good drunk stories?
#3
07-18-2006 | 04:13 PM
jjtgiants
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,177
From: Dublin, CA
I have a few funny stories....but the first one that comes to mind is when two of my buddies and I were in San Francisco......We were on Broadway street where a lot of clubs and strip clubs are. Anyway, it was the end of the night and we were coming out of the club and I was ham boned. So we were walking down the street and I remember turning my head to look behind me and next thing I know I was laying on the ground. Apparently I ran into a sign or something and cracked my head! ha ha ha.....My friends dropped me off at home and my girlfriend was like "what happened to you" I had a big knot on my head and my elbow was cut up! ha ha ha ha.
#6
07-18-2006 | 05:37 PM
Banned
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,135
From: JACKSON NJ
too many stories...
ok...
the most recent good one...
thursday night. Ain;t got class 'til 1 in the afternoon the next day. My good friends Kieth "big bear" Raff, Tyler "secret asian man" Chong, 2 kids by the names of Anthony and Kevin and I are just beginning our dorm room party.
We have ACDC, and SKYNYRD blasting... and I mean blasting! Throughout the building... which angered that dark compected student for some odd reason. And we have 3 little fridges set up. 30 pack o Budweiser, a quart of Jack Daniels, a quart of Vodka, and 12 pack of Miller lites.
9:00- the dorm assistant knocks on the door tells us that we are offending the other students and need to turn down the music... We say... screw you lady... we aints gotta quiet hours til 12! YEEHAW PARTY ON!
10:00 Kieth "big bear" Raff goes insane and breaks a chair on the bed, and proceeds to punching a hole in the wall
10:01 Big Bears rage scares the **** outa me and I fall of the bunk bed and land ontop of the bed post below. Good thing I was drinking or that woulda hurt!
11:00 alcohol is almost gone... now we are relaxing... we go outside and sit down as civilized as we possible can be and light up some smokes. We're laughing and having a grand time and decide that it would be funny (for us of coarse) to shout obsenities at the drunken girls. So there is this FAT LARD *** BLOB (much like stang00s ex, bwa ha ha) walking down the side walk... I decide to yell at her.... I exclaim "YEAH ****!" and we all laugh.
Well she was drunk and did not find this funny AT ALL... she marches up to me and says, "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" to which i reply,"uh... well.. what is a... ****?"
SMACK accross the face... And we all bust out laughing
she says... "You are a ********! Its ******** like you who hurt girls like us" I interupt and say, "you slapped me... i didnt slap you!"
SMACK again...
now shes really pissed and finishes what she was saying, "If I ever hear you call another person a **** i will hunt you down and beat your ***"
so I asked... "well, can I call keith a ****?"
"NO YOU CAN"T CALL KEITH A ****!!!!!!!!!!!"
We all bust out laughing and she starts marching back inside...
Then they encouraged me to call her a **** AGAIN...
so I did... and she came back and hooked me accross the face and we laughed more...
wow... what a night
ok...
the most recent good one...
thursday night. Ain;t got class 'til 1 in the afternoon the next day. My good friends Kieth "big bear" Raff, Tyler "secret asian man" Chong, 2 kids by the names of Anthony and Kevin and I are just beginning our dorm room party.
We have ACDC, and SKYNYRD blasting... and I mean blasting! Throughout the building... which angered that dark compected student for some odd reason. And we have 3 little fridges set up. 30 pack o Budweiser, a quart of Jack Daniels, a quart of Vodka, and 12 pack of Miller lites.
9:00- the dorm assistant knocks on the door tells us that we are offending the other students and need to turn down the music... We say... screw you lady... we aints gotta quiet hours til 12! YEEHAW PARTY ON!
10:00 Kieth "big bear" Raff goes insane and breaks a chair on the bed, and proceeds to punching a hole in the wall
10:01 Big Bears rage scares the **** outa me and I fall of the bunk bed and land ontop of the bed post below. Good thing I was drinking or that woulda hurt!
11:00 alcohol is almost gone... now we are relaxing... we go outside and sit down as civilized as we possible can be and light up some smokes. We're laughing and having a grand time and decide that it would be funny (for us of coarse) to shout obsenities at the drunken girls. So there is this FAT LARD *** BLOB (much like stang00s ex, bwa ha ha) walking down the side walk... I decide to yell at her.... I exclaim "YEAH ****!" and we all laugh.
Well she was drunk and did not find this funny AT ALL... she marches up to me and says, "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" to which i reply,"uh... well.. what is a... ****?"
SMACK accross the face... And we all bust out laughing
she says... "You are a ********! Its ******** like you who hurt girls like us" I interupt and say, "you slapped me... i didnt slap you!"
SMACK again...
now shes really pissed and finishes what she was saying, "If I ever hear you call another person a **** i will hunt you down and beat your ***"
so I asked... "well, can I call keith a ****?"
"NO YOU CAN"T CALL KEITH A ****!!!!!!!!!!!"
We all bust out laughing and she starts marching back inside...
Then they encouraged me to call her a **** AGAIN...
so I did... and she came back and hooked me accross the face and we laughed more...
wow... what a night
#7
07-18-2006 | 05:39 PM
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 560
my uncle told me this story about my dad....
one night back in '73 my dad (18 at the time) and some buddies where out drinking at a local park. after a case of beer they decided to cruise around and find a party, which they did stopped and had some more beers. then they decided to jump into another guys truck (he was less drunk so im told) and drive around. there was four guys in the bed of the trunk, pat (my dad), vick, brian, and ned. well after some cruising around and throwing back some more beers brian thought it would be a good idea to stand up just behind the cab to feel the wind in his hair. as he was standing up and approaching the cab to put his hands on it to steady himself the driver decided to make a sudden turn, sending brian (who is now ****faced) clear out of the truck and onto the ground.
sensing the urgent situation, they rush him to the hostipal and all the while he is incoherently babbling. after he gets patched up brian is barley conscious and in no shape get home on his own. so they drive him home, upon reaching his house there is small argument about who is going to take him inside and possibly have to explain to his parents what happened. ultimately, no one will do it. so they did they only other thing they could. they put him between the front door and the outer screen door and pushed it shut so it held him up. leaving him there for his parents to discover when they opened the front door and have him plop done to there feet. bright and early at 8 a.m. my father got a phone call demanding what happned to brian from his parents, with him only to say i haven't seen brian in a few days what happened. to this very day this story can never be retold in front of brian he flips the **** out.
one night back in '73 my dad (18 at the time) and some buddies where out drinking at a local park. after a case of beer they decided to cruise around and find a party, which they did stopped and had some more beers. then they decided to jump into another guys truck (he was less drunk so im told) and drive around. there was four guys in the bed of the trunk, pat (my dad), vick, brian, and ned. well after some cruising around and throwing back some more beers brian thought it would be a good idea to stand up just behind the cab to feel the wind in his hair. as he was standing up and approaching the cab to put his hands on it to steady himself the driver decided to make a sudden turn, sending brian (who is now ****faced) clear out of the truck and onto the ground.
sensing the urgent situation, they rush him to the hostipal and all the while he is incoherently babbling. after he gets patched up brian is barley conscious and in no shape get home on his own. so they drive him home, upon reaching his house there is small argument about who is going to take him inside and possibly have to explain to his parents what happened. ultimately, no one will do it. so they did they only other thing they could. they put him between the front door and the outer screen door and pushed it shut so it held him up. leaving him there for his parents to discover when they opened the front door and have him plop done to there feet. bright and early at 8 a.m. my father got a phone call demanding what happned to brian from his parents, with him only to say i haven't seen brian in a few days what happened. to this very day this story can never be retold in front of brian he flips the **** out.
#8
07-18-2006 | 05:55 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally Posted by bcassette
so they did they only other thing they could. they put him between the front door and the outer screen door and pushed it shut so it held him up. leaving him there for his parents to discover when they opened the front door and have him plop done to there feet.
And get Greg, are you sure that you falling off the bunk is the reason for yer back trouble and not the construction work? LOL..... You diddnt hurt yerself on the job ya whiner, you hurt yerself bein drunk.
#9
07-18-2006 | 05:56 PM
Banned
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,135
From: JACKSON NJ
Originally Posted by Jack The Ripper
LMAO!!! For some reason that reminds me of Han Solo bring frozen in carbonite. Thats some funny ****!
And get Greg, are you sure that you falling off the bunk is the reason for yer back trouble and not the construction work? LOL..... You diddnt hurt yerself on the job ya whiner, you hurt yerself bein drunk.
And get Greg, are you sure that you falling off the bunk is the reason for yer back trouble and not the construction work? LOL..... You diddnt hurt yerself on the job ya whiner, you hurt yerself bein drunk.
It was the pole... the 8 inch thick telephone pole... thats what did it
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