>>
>> US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT (this really was the oath we had to take)
>>
>>
>>
>> "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
>> UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the
>> Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of
>> water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not
>> to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our Physical
>> Training as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around
>> calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to
>> annoy the other services.
>>
>> I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will,
>> at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact.
>> After completion of
>> "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy
>> sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will
>> believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean
>> the knife before stabbing the next person in th! e back.
>> I will annoy those
>> around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"
>>
>> ____________________
>> Signature
>>
>> ____________________
>> Date
>>
>>
>>
>> US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
>>
>>
>>
>> "I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
>> UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB
>> to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and
>> the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage
>> every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure
>> out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours
>> a day even when I have a date.
>>
>> I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine
>> because my Drill Sergeant told me so, despite the fact that the only
>> action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I
>> acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of
>> service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on
>> m! y PT test.
>> After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I
>> will attend a different Army school every other month and return
>> knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot
>> Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade
>> sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out
>> she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she
>> leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at
>> work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely
>> nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs
>> because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to
>> "COMPANY."
>>
>> I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will
>> help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working
>> construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to
>> everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be
>> unable to use it because I can't pass a p! lacement exam. So Help Me
>> God!"
>>
>>
>> _____________________
>> Signature
>>
>> _____________________
>> Date
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
>>
>>
>>
>> "I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years
>> of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
>> Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
>> the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually
>> live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
>> swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in
>> 1976 and to have my name stencilled on the butt of every pair of
>> pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humour
>> Man during summer, and for **** Waffen SS during the winter. I will
>> strive to use a different language than the rest of the
>> English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover,
>> geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor,
>> wall, hat, candy, w! ater fountain, hole in wall and toilet."
>>
>> I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and
>> insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
>> different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
>> whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning
>> unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
>> around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point
>> that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
>> still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
>> busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected
>> for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite
>> possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me
>> Neptune!"
>>
>> ______________________
>> Signature
>>
>> ______________________
>> Date
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
>>
>>
>>
>> "I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
>> swear..uhhhh....high-
>> and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill.... fix
>> bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....
>> blowup....ugh...Air Force
>> women....beer..... sailors wives.....air strikes....
>> yes
>> SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute.... Ooorah
>> Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
>>
>> X____________________
>> Thumb Print
>>
>> XX _________________________________
>>