TO MY DEAR WIFE:
>
>During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
>
>
>I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
>
>The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
>
>54 times the sheets were clean
>17 times it was too late
>49 times you were too tired
>20 times it was too hot
>15 times you pretended to be sleep
>22 times you had a headache
>17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
>16 times you said you were too sore
>12 times it was the wrong time of the month
>19 times you had to get up early
>9 times you said weren't in the mood
>7 times you were sunburned
>6 times you were watching the late show
>5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
>3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
>9 times you said your mother would hear us
>
>Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
>because:
>
>6 times you just laid there
>8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
>4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
>7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
>1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
>
>KEEP READING.......
>
>================================================= =========
>
>TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
>
>I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
>didn't
>get more than you did:
>
>5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
>36 times you did not come home at all
>21 times you didn't ***
>33 times you came too soon
>19 times you went soft before you got in
>38 times you worked too late
>10 times you got cramps in your toes
>29 times you had to get up early to play golf
>2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the ***** 4 times
>you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose
>was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
>20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
>6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
>98 times you were too busy watching TV
>
>Of the times we did get together:
>
>The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the
>sheets.
>I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would
>you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
>The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
>breathe.

 

dang. I cant wait til I get married!!!!

 

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!! lookin forrward to marriage