Another joke thread

[TEXASPAUL]

thought it was time again...


1.A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.

I'm a gynecologist."
That's when the proctologist fainted.

(Proctologist = Ass Doctor)


2.A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.Â* Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin -- in every way."
The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your Johnson in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together ... an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."
He immediately drops his pants and says "Look at this ... still in the CRATE!"


3.A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up
to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my
wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every
shape, size, color and material imaginable.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four
types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the
Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between
them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the
letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters
stood for, it is about time you became informed!


(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

[TEXASPAUL]

oh come on guys...BUMP

[TClark22]

those are pretty good

[mustangvsix]

made me laugh