2012 Insurance: Protect Yourself From Doomsday
 

Are you certain that 12-21-2012 is going to be the day of reckoning for the Earth? Are you worried about your financial future in the event of the Rapture, Asteriods, Pandemics, Global (warming|cooling), energy shortages, pestilence, famine, Rosie O'Donnell Show marathons?

The solution is here. 2012 Insurance. The policy protects against the devaluation of the dollar during a global cataclysm by assuring you and yours that you'll have something you can use as currency after the apocalypse has destroyed the money systems of the world and returned us to the barter system.

Sign up now! Premiums are only $1000 per per unit of coverage and the returns are guaranteed in the event of December 21st or 23rd (but not 20th, 22nd, or 24th) being very bad days for the whole world.

Here's how it works:

You make your payment(s) and you can choose (one item) your payout from the following as your return for each unit of coverage you purchase. Each item has been carefully selected as being among the most highly valued barter commodities in a post disaster scenario.

1. 1000 rounds of full metal jacket 147gr. .308 winchester (7.62x51mm NATO).
2. 2000 rounds of full metal jacket 124gr 9mm NATO
3. 10000 rounds (1000 12ga, 9000 .22lr) .22lr and 12ga #7 2.75" 3dram equiv.
4. .75 troy ounces 99.999 pure Gold
5. 250 gallons Diesel/Kerosene/HFO
6. 1000 400 Kilo-calorie Engineered Food bars (military)
7. 1 Complete steel cased first medical kit with surgery pak and combat pak (s.pak has surgeons tools, combat pak has blood clotter, heavy compresses, and several high end hard to get bits)
8. 100lbs wheel weight lead + 5lbs antimony
9. 100lbs copper and 20lbs tin (for making bronze)
10. Components for 100lbs thermite (just mix and ignite)

The insurance being provided is against massive post-disaster inflation / currency devaluation. Your policy will help protect you and your family from the inevitable complete loss of value that cash will experience in the event of a major catastrophe. After a major disaster the only things that have value are those things that you can carry or that you just flat can't get without the trappings of industry being up and running.

To get your payout you must be a victim of a global disaster on the dates mentioned above. You don't need to suffer an actual loss (since the whole planet will be basically a total loss anyway) of your own but you do need to be present on the planet surface during the disaster to remain eligible.

To claim your policy benefit, simply contact the agency (me) any time after a global scale disaster which has eliminated all governments and law and returned the world to a non-industrialized status and your payment will be sent directly to you. Promise!

Limit 5 coverage units per person. You must make full payment of the Unit Price ($1000us) prior to the disasters of 12/21,23/2012. Disasters not taking place on 12/21,23/2012 are not eligible for policy payout even if they take out the whole world.

If Im paying that much, it better cover me for ANY day a disaster might happen.

Of course, I dont think this is intended to be a serious thread.

i Lol'ed quite a few times..What about frag grenades, and land mines? And explosive kit for the new home defenders? 1000 dollars i could buy myself a nice assault rifle and a few small boxes of ammo. :P

Bahaha

No flame thrower, No deal! :mad:

what's so funny chuckles? you already bought your 2012 insurance huh.

I cannot offer any destructive device or NFA regulated arms. If I could then they'd certainly be included. However, these items are intended to be used as barter goods. You can quite easily get a grenade or satchel charge or machine gun and some bullets for it with the goods you receive as your payment in the event of a covered disaster. You don't ask a bank for a particular 20 dollar bill, why would you ask me for a particular barter good... I provided value that will help ensure your ability to trade for whatever you need. The balance of your survival is up to you.

No.... this is very low premium coverage for a specific event or set of coincident events. I can point you to any number of companies that will insure you against disaster loss for other days but they pay with cash which will be useless as nuts on a priest (or tits on a nun if you prerfer) the day after a global calamity.

no, this is actually serious. I will pay out the listed items to anyone that purchases insurance and experiences the end of the world on 12/21,23,2012.



EDIT: and jack, for you I'll add a flame thrower since they're NFA legal to own.

I think when people wake up on 12/22/2012 pissed realizing that they had spend several thousands of dollars on a protection plan that ended up doing squat who then realizes that not only are they pissed, but now they're armed too you will have just noticed that this whole plan was probably a bad idea.

Further proof that king doesn't read all the way through or doesn't comprehend the words used.

You must be a victim of a global (not a local or even continenal but GLOBAL) catastrophe in order to receive a payout. I'm not arming anyone. You'll notice that nowhere in the offer do I supply firearms or delivery systems. Simply barterable components.

So, Kingy.. please for the love of FSM read the damned thread before you comment.

I'm a douchebag so I'll admit to not reading the whole thread before commenting on this one.

Too easy.

Hmm...

Well based off the conditions, I predict that your business will profit 100% !

*Buys a few shares of 2012 insurance in the stock market*

No. :( Someone has to help make up the crowds of confused and doomed people running through the streets...

EDITED: reported spam post (above) reported and removed. Thanks to ziggy for staying on top of these things. Mods appreciate it.