funny joke i saw

lanmas23 · 02-14-2008, 03:07 PM

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.

12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'..

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Nofire · 02-14-2008, 04:05 PM

LMAO! That was awesome. I'm still chuckling....

zigzagg321 · 02-14-2008, 04:27 PM

That was good! lmao!

3.9s beat gts · 02-14-2008, 04:36 PM

not so much....

SxyXc · 02-15-2008, 12:26 AM

no matter how many times i see this i still laugh... its great

V6_Mustang_Power · 02-15-2008, 12:36 AM

3V2000GT · 02-15-2008, 12:52 AM

HA HA FUNNY

mustangvsix · 02-15-2008, 11:19 AM

good stuff, #9 was my favorite.

02-14-2008, 03:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
lanmas23 Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Greenfield, Indiana Posts: 405	funny joke i saw A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.' So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.' 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'. 12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.. 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. __________________ Quote: Originally Posted by r3dn3ck View Post Just remember, boy fights are over in minutes... man fights are over in seconds and there's usually a lot longer hospital stay for someone involved.

02-14-2008, 04:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
Nofire Sooner #65 Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: University of Oklahoma Posts: 692	LMAO! That was awesome. I'm still chuckling.... __________________ 2004 Mach 1----Black--------Sold. 285HP, 304TQ I WANT MORE!!!

02-14-2008, 04:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
zigzagg321 yup. Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: OH Posts: 6,751	That was good! lmao! __________________ image courtesy of wnracing /\/\FOR SALE/\/\

02-15-2008, 12:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
SxyXc Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 685	no matter how many times i see this i still laugh... its great __________________ Racing from a roll is just like masturbating, no matter how good you think you are, it is still not the real thing!

02-15-2008, 12:52 AM	#7 (permalink)
3V2000GT 46MONSTER Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Wheaton, IL Posts: 2,209	HA HA FUNNY __________________ 2000 GT Black on Tan, TKO 600: 370rwhp 370rwtq NA Built 3v 2004 Honda CBR 600 F4i Black/Red 2000 SVT Lightning Silver i love jinny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! lucky is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

02-15-2008, 12:36 AM	#6 (permalink)
V6_Mustang_Power Banned Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 1,808	lmao

02-15-2008, 11:19 AM	#8 (permalink)
mustangvsix 4 point 6 Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Flagstaff, Az / Los Alamos, NM Posts: 2,477	good stuff, #9 was my favorite. __________________ 2001 True Blue Cobra Convertible 1 of 292 #935 built on 4/20/01

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